I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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