I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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