dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
