If i could tip my vagina, i would.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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