it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dear god my vagina.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
