Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I will be naked everywhere
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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