Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
