I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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