I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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