You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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