The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
