thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
