just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
