what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We are all done wearing pants today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
