So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
