I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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