Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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