my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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