:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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