If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize