You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
