i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
