This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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