I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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