im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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