she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
