But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
