I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
