she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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