Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize