i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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