i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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