I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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