bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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