we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
