Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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