I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
