do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
