my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
