halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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