Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
