I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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