FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
