i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
