I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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