You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
