two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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