NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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