Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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