break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
