Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
