winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
