i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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