He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
