Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
