she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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