The maid of honor just puked.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
