Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
