Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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