nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
