weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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