i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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