I'm going to rape someone's good day.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
