It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
