I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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