Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
