Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
