Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
