I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
