have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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