dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
A bitchslap is in order.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
