That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
