my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
