I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
