remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
