We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
