just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
