I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
