Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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