I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
