Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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