My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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