can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
