So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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