our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
