If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
