I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
