Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
