Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
