u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
