So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
