just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
