and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
